My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We need to get me chipped asap