it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.