Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
