Texts From Last Night

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  (416): View more from Ontario

  I wanna be on tlc

  (905): View more from Toronto

  Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.

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  (416): I wanna be on tlc (905): Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless. http://tfl.nu/gr13
  Replies (17) Good night (4284) Bad night (586)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.

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  (908): this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up. http://tfl.nu/ay5l
  Replies (33) Good night (1298) Bad night (5234)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city

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  (407): I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city http://tfl.nu/5mtu
  Replies (32) Good night (6130) Bad night (996)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'

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  (850): idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots' http://tfl.nu/6gvu
  Replies (6) Good night (3098) Bad night (757)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop

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  (217): Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop http://tfl.nu/m1fy
  Replies (13) Good night (6597) Bad night (1514)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl

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  (250): i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl http://tfl.nu/d9d2
  Replies (3) Good night (852) Bad night (2407)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.

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  (707): come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you. http://tfl.nu/6h34
  Replies (17) Good night (2067) Bad night (2522)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.

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  (248): He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased. http://tfl.nu/h9lw
  Replies (8) Good night (1914) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.

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  (937): Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/uerp
  Replies (7) Good night (1361) Bad night (612)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.

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  (412): I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised. http://tfl.nu/nqg7
  Replies (9) Good night (1958) Bad night (995)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?

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  (207): Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park? http://tfl.nu/iybx
  Replies (9) Good night (1308) Bad night (791)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.

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  (503): Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be. http://tfl.nu/kby8
  Replies (5) Good night (749) Bad night (1314)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."

  (347): View more from New York

  What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.

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  (718): All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND." (347): What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls. http://tfl.nu/5x5n
  Replies (4) Good night (954) Bad night (337)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.

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  (540): There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong. http://tfl.nu/f8bz
  Replies (1) Good night (854) Bad night (261)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake

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  (908): I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake http://tfl.nu/q1u7
  Replies (1) Good night (524) Bad night (206)

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