I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.