1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You dont lie about slip and slides
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
