Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  b/c u have herpes

  (310): View more from California

  No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.

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  (310): Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss? (770): b/c u have herpes (310): No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole. http://tfl.nu/unxh
  Replies (19) Good night (1174) Bad night (5671)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.

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  (816): Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm. http://tfl.nu/bk02
  Replies (6) Good night (2307) Bad night (1135)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby

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  (973): She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby http://tfl.nu/drn9
  Replies (13) Good night (697) Bad night (5293)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  did i walk over a car last night?

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  (+61): did i walk over a car last night? http://tfl.nu/hd3i
  Replies (4) Good night (2096) Bad night (744)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.

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  (203): The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11. http://tfl.nu/3slh
  Replies (15) Good night (3270) Bad night (1108)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick

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  (608): he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick http://tfl.nu/43v1
  Replies (17) Good night (6034) Bad night (1273)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?

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  (310): Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow? http://tfl.nu/9403
  Replies (5) Good night (1744) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.

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  (309): Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs. http://tfl.nu/8989
  Replies (5) Good night (968) Bad night (734)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?

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  (801): Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way? http://tfl.nu/h6qu
  Replies (4) Good night (1139) Bad night (458)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You have to summon your inner elephant

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  (206): You have to summon your inner elephant http://tfl.nu/wpzr
  Replies (2) Good night (1041) Bad night (496)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.

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  (704): You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player. http://tfl.nu/yxi1
  Replies (2) Good night (428) Bad night (373)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.

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  (206): Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough. http://tfl.nu/xqyf
  Replies (1) Good night (314) Bad night (474)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me

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  (775): She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me http://tfl.nu/h40l
  Replies (5) Good night (729) Bad night (371)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it

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  (978): I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it http://tfl.nu/t1z2
  Replies (1) Good night (594) Bad night (211)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?

  (815): View more from Illinois

  And me

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  (309): Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual? (815): And me http://tfl.nu/crux
  Replies (0) Good night (273) Bad night (225)

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