Texts From Last Night

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  (213): View more from California

  I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.

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  (213): I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk. http://tfl.nu/xx5w
  Replies (9) Good night (4557) Bad night (590)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant

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  (440): wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant http://tfl.nu/01g1
  Replies (54) Good night (1322) Bad night (15703)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so

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  (845): I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so http://tfl.nu/bpeg
  Replies (29) Good night (600) Bad night (1957)
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  (760): View more from California

  I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work

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  (760): I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart (508): These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work http://tfl.nu/sac2
  Replies (15) Good night (7392) Bad night (776)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.

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  (781): I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing. http://tfl.nu/7fgj
  Replies (17) Good night (5830) Bad night (1254)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.

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  (+44): Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint. http://tfl.nu/r0bi
  Replies (25) Good night (5753) Bad night (2820)
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went

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  (289): he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went http://tfl.nu/wqc9
  Replies (35) Good night (959) Bad night (8422)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.

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  (313): We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/ypzc
  Replies (5) Good night (4302) Bad night (805)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.

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  (732): please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me. http://tfl.nu/r1h1
  Replies (2) Good night (2706) Bad night (662)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.

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  (248): I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back. http://tfl.nu/312y
  Replies (9) Good night (1693) Bad night (547)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.

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  (202): Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out. http://tfl.nu/88jd
  Replies (10) Good night (1905) Bad night (496)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...

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  (803): Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement... http://tfl.nu/7rvh
  Replies (13) Good night (1373) Bad night (784)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.

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  (602): Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing. http://tfl.nu/o82d
  Replies (4) Good night (768) Bad night (417)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?

  (1-608): View more from Wisconsin

  Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat

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  (608): Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles? (1-608): Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat http://tfl.nu/wmfp
  Replies (3) Good night (645) Bad night (345)
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  (714): View more from California

  Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.

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  (714): Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying. http://tfl.nu/nfjo
  Replies (4) Good night (562) Bad night (286)

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