its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.