Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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