This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
