I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
