it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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