so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
