grandma shit on top of the toilet
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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