Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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