you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
