Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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