i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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