I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
3pm strippers are depressing
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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