wakey wakey hands off snakey
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
