We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
NoShamevember. You game?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
