ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
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No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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