Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
