Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
