Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
