Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
