so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Randomize
