walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
