I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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