I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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