I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
