Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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