Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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