Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
