i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i think i have herpe
just one?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
