You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
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Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
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Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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