Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This toilet bowl is my home.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
