I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
