Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
