So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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