I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
