Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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