Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
