i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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