I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize