So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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