I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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