Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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