omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Oh god it's open bar.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
