no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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