don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
