i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
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So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
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He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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