He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
