i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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