did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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