you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
