Yo dont text me then not text me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
