whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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