wrigley field is MILF paradise
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
