If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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