Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
