he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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