your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
