No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
