LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
