From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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