so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
