I am puke
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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