I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I lost the right to judge tonight
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
