Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
