Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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