party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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