oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
