Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
