I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
